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St Albans Branch The Virgers Litany

Here followeth the Litany of Blessed John Edward Verger, Saint and Martyr to be said or sung after Morning prayer or any other suitable occasion upon Sundays Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays especially on days off and on Retirement

O God the Father of heaven:
have mercy on us miserable vergers

O God the Son. Redeemer of the world:
have mercy on us miserable Vergers

O God the Holy Ghost, proceeding from the Father and the Son:
have mercy on us Miserable Vergers.

O Holy and Blessed Trinity. Three Persons and one God:
have mercy upon us miserable vergers

Remember not. O Lord our mistakes, nor the grievances of our bosses, neither take thou notice of our wives:
Spare us good Lord.

Remember thy Vergers.whom thou hast chosen for thy special work. and protect us from our congregations:
Spare us good Lord

From all Archbishops. Suffragan Bishops. Overseas Bishops. Prelates. Archdeacons. Deans Sub Deans Rural Deans Canons Residentiary and otherwise                                                              
Spare us Good Lord.

From all Vicars. Priests. Deacons Sub-Deacons. Parsons Rectors Incumbents. Perpetual Curates. Precentors. Succentors and Lay Readers.
Good Lord deliver us

From all sidesmen. Bellringers, Church wardens. Pew openers
Good Lord Deliver us

From all Organists, Sub Organists, visiting organists organ pupils Choir masters visiting choir masters conductors masters of music. String ensembles, chamber orchestras harpists harpsichordists pianists trumpet players organ grinders and monkeys
Good lord deliver us

From all tenors counter tenors altos basses baritones trebles sopranos contraltos oratorio choirs and ladies of the philharmonic
Good lord deliver us

From all registrars’’ archivists’ genealogists’ chroniclers diarists record keepers antiquarians potted historians and family trees
Good lord deliver us

From all Christmas trees. Cribs nativity plays carol services harvest festivals Easter Flowers songs of praise Television services and messiahs except thee o Lord
Good lord deliver us

From all Baptisms Funerals Weddings Confirmations Civic Services Assize Services Grammar School Founders Day Services old pals and waves of prayer
Good Lord deliver us

From dusting pews mopping floors cleaning brasses polishing silver stoking boilers changing hymn boards locking doors making choir boy’s teas sweeping confetti and putting flags out
Good lord deliver us

From the Choir fellowship, Elizabeth Guild. Friday forum, Church of England men’s Society. Mother’s Union, karate clubs
Good Lord deliver us

We Vergers Do Beseech thee to hear us Good Lord that it may please thee to see that we rule our church’s in the right way
We beseech thee to hear us good lord

That it may please thee to bless and preserve the servant Elizabeth our most gracious Queen and ensure that the sun always shine on her garden Parties
We beseech thee to hear us Good Lord

That it may please thee to put the conservatives in power and give us more tax rebates
We beseech thee to hear us Good Lord

That it may please thee to illuminate all bishops’ priests and deacons on the preaching of thy word that we may be spared from boring sermons
We beseech thee to hear us Good Lord

That it may please thee to endue the Parochial Church Council with grace wisdom and understanding that they may give us a rise
We beseech thee to hear us Good Lord

That it may please thee to keep choir practice short on Friday nights so we can get down to the pub in good time
We beseech thee to hear us Good Lord

That it may please thee to bless and forgive -all our enemies especially the Inland Revenue
We beseech thee to hear us Good lord

That it may please thee to stop all alarm clocks on our days off
We beseech thee to hear us Good Lord

That it may please thee to keep all dogs out of Church that we may be preserved from anti-tetanus injections
We beseech thee to hear us good lord

That it may please thee to bless all thy congregations and may they take their betting slips sweet papers and coke bottles home with them.
We beseech thee to hear us good lord

That it may please thee to keep the wife and family in good health and temper, especially temper
We beseech thee good lord

That it may please thee to bring into the way of truth all such that have erred and are deceived especially the methylated spiritualists
We beseech thee good lord

That it may please thee to preserve us in our travel on Land Sea or in the Air especially Holy Pilgrimages and choir recital tours
We beseech thee to hear us good lord.

That it may please thee to keep all thy breweries up to standard that they may prosper with guidance
We beseech thee to hear us good lord

That it may please thee to control the elements when we stick posters on outside notice boards and fit bulbs in outside lights
We beseech thee to hear us good lord

That it may please thee to prevent people form getting married on Boxing Day and Whit-Monday
We beseech thee to hear us good lord

That it may please thee to keep all Saints days and Church Festivals well away from our day off
We beseech thee to hear us good lord

That it may please thee to grant us a good council house (with central heating) when we retire
We beseech thee to hear us good lord

That it may please to give us a true sense of our own importance to ignore all our own negligence and to endow us with a good pension when we retire and may we live happily ever after (in another parish)
We beseech thee to hear us good lord